Birthday Blog

Yeah I haven't updated in a while, sue me. It is now 12:36 am on 6/14/09 and it is my birthday. I am now 19 years old and I'm feeling, well I suppose I feel the way I should be. Happiness, confusion, a bit frightened and even excited. It also may be a combination of things, being up this late at night being one among them that is making me have these strange feelings. Let's see what I have accomplished in my 18th year..

- Graduated Highschool
- Got into College
- Completed a series of paintings
- Got mostly straight A's with the exception of 2 classes.
- Managed not to ruin Ian
- Managed to stay with Asheley
- Made new friends
- Renewed old friendships
- Joined a Gym

Things I did not accomplish..
- Study Abroad
- Get a Car
- Get a Steady Job

Well atleast it looks optimistic on paper, or pixels rather...

So I'm happy because I'm still alive and I am going through a bit of a transitional period where I'm aware of my health and realized my mortality. I think back to all the times I should've died, and when I didn't, shrugged it off and pounded down some more alcohol. I think to myself, What the fuck was wrong with you? I look back and physically see my art improving, going towards my ultimate goal, a goal I have no idea what or where it is. I'm excited about going into my second year of college, getting closer to that overall goal. However, I am confused as well. I feel, unaccomplished, inadeqet, and I know that's contrdictory to what I had just said before... I feel like I should give back somehow, avoiding the military if possible. I also don't like the overall global status right now either, disease, nukes, bad economies, I definitley was born in the wrong era, but oh well I'm here now and I suppose I'll make the best of it. On top of everything I just said, I'm also sad, I'm 19 years old now, and I have a very sick close friend, dead friends, problems an older person should have. Maybe that's part of the reason I feel older than 19, I have very old problems. I'm getting tired now, I'll probably continue this blog later today.